Kirsten Dunst is not a recipe

5/12/06

Dear Mr. Warren,

Thankyou for your recent submission to Good Cooking Magazine's list of the year's ten hottest recipes. It is always interesting to receive input from our readership and we wish you to know that your comments are valued.

Despite this, I feel that it is my responsibility as editor to now deal with the apparent confusion that has arisen concerning this matter. For the December issue of GC Magazine we traditionally write a number of features that reflect upon a year's worth of great cooking ideas, and in the November issue we decided to solicit responses from our readership as to what they felt were their favourite recipes of the year. Not wishing to be tied to tradition and follow the path of turkey and stuffing, we chose instead to focus on spicy dishes, hence the title of "hottest recipes".

Again, I wish to thank you for your submission to this list, but I feel that I must stress this point above all others: Kirsten Dunst is not a recipe. While I am sure that she would not be out of place in a top ten list more geared towards Hollywood actresses, she sadly does not fit alongside Salmon Tikka with sag aloo.

I wish also to stress that her omission from our list should not be taken as a slur against Ms Dunst's character, an understanding that unfortunately seems to have arisen on your part. I confess that the heated telephone conversation that transpired between yourself and some of my staff not three days ago seems to have done little to calm the situation, and I wish to apologise for any offence taken. Given the somewhat personal way in which you seem to have interpreted this situation, I feel it is not out of place for me to justify in detail why Ms Dunst was not included in our top ten list.

1. Kirsten Dunst does not have ingredients. Although the strict definition of the word refers to a constituent element of something, and Ms Dunst no doubt contains many fine elements such as beauty and acting talent, these elements cannot be mixed together by our readership to produce her.
2. Kirsten Dunst cannot be reproduced. This point follows directly from my first point. While there may be some in this world who bear a passing resemblence to Ms Dunst or who exhibit similar abilities, Ms Dunst herself is unique and cannot be reproduced, unless perhaps by some kind of advanced cloning technology, which would fall outside the remit of Good Cooking Magazine.
3. Kirsten Dunst cannot be consumed as the main course in a meal suitable for between two to eight individuals. Whilst Ms Dunst could certainly be appreciated by such individuals, who would no doubt be delighted were she to join them for a meal, I am sure you would agree with me that were they to consume her it would be a great loss to the acting profession. In addition, Good Cooking Magazine does not advocate cannibalism.

I hope that this puts the matter to rest. While I hope that you will continue to read our magazine, I wish also to point out that any further communication from you referring to Kirsten Dunst, whether or not profanities are included, will be met with a letter from our lawyers and a possible restraining order.

Yours sincerely,

Martha Wilmot
Editor
Good Cooking Magazine

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