Who advertising executives think is the core audience of the Simpsons, based on what adverts appear during the show

Advert - baby lotion

Apparently I'm a woman. Not only that, but I'm a mother of at least one small child. Naturally, I'm concerned about my child's bottom - is it soft enough? If I were to brush it against my cheek, would I meet gentle softness, or nappy rash? Fortunately, I don't need to worry any more.

Advert - nappies

Of course, being the mother of (now apparently) many children (I have been busy!) I'll also be interested in knowing about the latest developments in anti-poop technology. And these right here? They fit better than ever. In fact, they're the best fit, ever. I think I'll just throw away all the ones I bought last week before I head out to buy some new ones, because they're that good.

Advert - razors

Now I'm a man? That's confusing. I can tell this because while women do use shaving products, they clearly wouldn't use a shaving product as manly as this. Just look at the swooshy graphics and listen to the deep throated, manly voice-over. This is a performance razor, designed for today's modern and rugged man, who deserves only the best. Also, women will flock to a smooth chin. Presumably I should tell my husband.

Advert - shampoo

As a gorgeous twenty-something blonde who clearly hasn't had any children yet, I demand high quality hair products. Especially since I live alone on a tropical island. And while I may not understand the complex scientific names for the things that are in the shampoo, I can rest assured that they mean only one thing - this shampoo will do a spectacular job. And look! There's a talking parrot at the end. Hilarious.

Advert - skin cream

Now I'm an older woman and I've had a lot of kids. I mean, a LOT. Seriously, look at me. I'm so old and run down. I've got stretch marks all over me. I feel really unattractive. But I totally identify with the woman in this ad, she's just like me. And just look at the transformation! She's shy, self-concious, but after using the product, she's happy, she's confident. I'm almost convinced but I'm just longing for her to say the words... and then she does. Yes, her husband DOES now find her attractive again. Thank you, trans-global pharmaceutical corporations, thank you.

Advert - washing powder designed with children in mind

Now that my self-image problem is sorted, it's time to focus on the kids again. Fortunately, since I don't have time to listen to or understand any complex science, this ad explains how this washing powder is good for my children's skin through the medium of animated cuddly animals in a wood. Now I feel reassured and confident in my future purchases.

Advert - air freshener unit

After all that hard work, I'll be glad to come home to a good smell, just like the one provided by this little gizmo. But that's not all, apparently! When the kids and my husband come charging loudly through the house for some reason, I can quickly retreat to the sanctity of my own private room where the air freshener awaits. And what's more, it glows a serious of soothing colours. I thought initially it looked a bit like a disco simulator, but the warm, pleasant female voiceover assures me that it is an aid to relaxation. I'll be picking of one those up next time I'm out shopping, you can count on that.

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